L.V. Murphy

Jessica,

After the last few days have put some space between me and last Sunday, I have done some reflecting, and I’d like to offer an apology for my behavior at your baby shower.

First, I’m sorry for bringing the whipped cream flavored vodka. Although I thought this might liven up your party, it’s possible that it livened up past the acceptable threshold for a baby shower. Also, I did not consider that you would not be able to participate. That was rather inconsiderate.

Next, I would like to apologize for bumping into the table and knocking the cake onto the floor. My balance had been affected by the aforementioned vodka, and my apology at the time was rather inadequate.

Also, I’m sorry for telling Nelly, who seemed very nice, that she shouldn’t have let her younger sister beat her to motherhood. This was intended as a light-hearted joke about sibling rivalry, rather than any personal attack. I was not aware of her recent break-up. In my defense, I had no way of knowing about this, nor that it was still a rather fresh wound, and I could not have predicted that she would make such a scene. A separate email will be sent to her.

Lastly, I apologize for saying it was futile to bring a child into today’s deteriorating world. In hindsight—though I stand by climate change being an important issue—a baby shower is perhaps not the time, nor the place, for this type of discussion.

Please, accept my apologies as well as the $200 I have sent via Venmo for a carpet cleaning. I imagine the frosting was difficult to get out.

With contrition,

Olivia